Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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