My underwear smells like fireworks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
