using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
