it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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