I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
