At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
