Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
