If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
