It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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