dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
that's an acceptable place to lick
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
