Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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