he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
