I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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