Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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