my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
