Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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