I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
