Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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