My nipple is on Facebook.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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