Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
