there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
