i think i have two assholes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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