Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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