She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
