goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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