so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
