she looked like the before picture.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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