just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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