genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
