Me. At least after what I've been through.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
