you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
