I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
