drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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