Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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