you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
