youre lurking in front of me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
