Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
