just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
