I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You've changed since you got that strap on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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