Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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