I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
