She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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