he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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