Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
