I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
