I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
