so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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