yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
