Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
