Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
