my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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