I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
