i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You smell like stripper and shame
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
